I am not an alcoholic — The Self-Limiting Belief of an Alcoholic:
*Forming an Identity Around Ones’ Alcohol Use*

The following is a research paper I wrote in college that was inspired by my vision for Revitalizing Hope and the Revitalizing Recovery movement—ending shame and social stigma within the recovery community surrounding the formation of an identity around ones’ substance use.
The Revitalizing Recovery movement is all about taking a personal development approach to recovery and unpacking our stories to bring hope to others.
We are working to achieve this vision by providing leadership and a community of support in the area of personal development and by building a team of fearless leaders who are stepping outside of their comfort zone to create change.

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Disclaimer: The information and viewpoints presented within this article are intended for informational and motivational purposes only, it is not meant to be interpreted as professional advice. Any of the sources referenced within this article have no affiliation with Revitalizing Hope or the Revitalizing Recovery movement and did not endorse any claims made within this article at the time of publishing. For more information, please read the full disclaimer.

The Self Limiting Belief of an Alcoholic:

Forming an Identity Around Ones’ Alcohol Use

At what point does an individual in recovery no longer have to identify themselves as an alcoholic? Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic—right? As a person in long-term recovery, I often see within the recovery community other women affirming their substance use as if they’re still in active addiction; ultimately shaming themselves and others. But at what point do we get to say—that is not who I am anymore—and be allowed to let go of who we were and form an identity separate from our alcohol use?

Throughout my recovery, I often find myself having to justify to others why I do not drink. Many of the responses I have received are nothing but supportive, others not so much. I distinctly remember one conversation that ended with accusing me of being in denial for refusing to identify myself as an alcoholic; attempting to shame me into believing I was living a lie. The only lie I had been living was claiming I lived an alcohol-free life. When the truth is, I have been living a life free from alcohol and will not allow my past to define who I am or who I can be—after all that’s why I started drinking in the first place!

An Alcoholic Defined

So, what is an alcoholic anyway? An alcoholic is considered to be “someone who has a physical and mental dependence on alcohol” (Yoder, 2020). It was once defined in the Webster’s dictionary as “a person who is dependent on alcohol who drinks compulsively and in such a way that his drinking is damaging to himself, to a way of life and those about him.” (Cheever, 2012), but is later defined in Merriam-Webster as “a person who frequently drinks too much alcohol and is unable to live a normal and healthy life; a person who is affected with alcoholism (Merriam-Webster, n.d.).

While there is some validity to these definitions, a true definition of an alcoholic is not as simple, which is why the definition has continued to evolve to include the underlying disorder relating to someone being classified as an alcoholic. In order to define what it is to be classified as an alcoholic, we must look at the underlying disorder of Alcohol Use Disorder—formerly and sometimes still referred to as Alcoholism.

Alcohol Use Disorder or AUD is classified by the NIAAA (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism) as “a chronic relapsing brain disorder characterized by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences.” (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, n.d.). The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) outlines a certain criterion that is used to diagnose and assess the severity of ones’ alcohol use disorder—which can be mild, moderate, or severe—based on the number of criteria met. The criteria used for diagnosing an individual with alcohol use disorder under the DSM-5 are outlined as follows:

Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended.
There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.
A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects.
Craving, or a strong desire or urge to use alcohol.
Recurrent alcohol use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home.
Continued alcohol use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of alcohol.
Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of alcohol use.
Recurrent alcohol use in situations in which it is physically hazardous.
Alcohol use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by alcohol.
Tolerance, as defined by either of the following: a) a need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect; b) a markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol.
Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following: a) the characteristic withdrawal syndrome for alcohol; b) alcohol (or a closely related substance) is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms.

Anyone who meets two of the eleven criteria during a twelve-month period will receive a diagnosis of AUD, with an assessment of a mild [meeting two to three criteria], moderate [meeting four to five criteria], or severe [meeting six or more criteria] alcohol use disorder. (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, n.d.).

If I would have taken this assessment in the ten years prior to my sobriety, I would have received a diagnosis of severe AUD. But if taken today, I would not meet any of the above criteria to receive such diagnosis.

Based on the definitions provided above, we can conclude that an alcoholic is an individual with AUD; however, based on the criteria to receive a diagnosis of AUD, an individual must have consumed alcohol within the past year, as meeting one criteria [experiencing cravings] does not constitute a current and on-going diagnosis of alcohol use disorder. Therefore, are we still an alcoholic if we have abstained from alcohol use for a year or more?

Once an Alcoholic, Always an Alcoholic

If you were to ask members within the nationwide recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous, the answer is yes, that even though you have an established history of sobriety, you are still considered an alcoholic.

We understand now that once a person has crossed the invisible borderline from heavy drinking to compulsive alcoholic drinking, that person will always remain an alcoholic. So far as we know, there can never be any turning back to ‘normal’ social drinking. ‘Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic’ is a simple fact that we have to live with. (Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 2017, p. 9)

The statement ‘once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic’ seems to be more directed at the concept of being able to revert to a ‘social drinker’ after being a ‘heavy drinker’. While I agree to some extent that a person who has developed AUD, may not be able to revert back to a ‘social drinker’, the context in which this statement is used within the recovery community differs from that of which it was intended, implying that an individual should always identify themselves as an alcoholic and if they do not, they will fail to find long-term recovery. This statement also contradicts some of their other literature claiming that only the individual can determine if they are an alcoholic or not, as seen below:

It cannot be emphasized too often that the important decision— am I an alcoholic? —has to be made by the drinker. Only he or she—not the doctor, the family, or friends—can make it. But once it is made, half the battle for sobriety is won. If the question is left to others to decide, the alcoholic may be dragging out needlessly the dangers and misery of uncontrollable drinking. (Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 2009, p. 10)

If only the individual themselves can determine their identity as an alcoholic, how can it be truly said, ‘once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic’? Shouldn’t it be up to the individual themselves? If they have a desire to grow beyond just being recognized as an alcoholic, shouldn’t they have the ability to be free from such a stigmatizing label?

Hi, I’m Courtney and I am NOT an Alcoholic

If you are still with me, I would like to formally introduce myself—Hi, I’m Courtney and I am not an alcoholic. I am however a person in long-term recovery from Alcohol Use Disorder. My intension is in no way meant to discredit Alcoholics Anonymous or the work that they do. I wholeheartedly believe there is value within this nationwide recovery program. A.A. provides a community of support to individuals during a trying time and provides hope to others through lived experience. However, there are gaps within the culture that need to be identified.

One of these gaps is the stigmatization around forming an identity around an individuals’ substance use, that without affirming their addiction an individual will fail to find long-term recovery. This constant affirmation [‘I am an alcoholic’] inhibits an individuals’ ability for personal growth and development to form an identity separate from their substance use. Even though these individuals are in recovery they are essentially treating themselves as if they’re still in active addiction.

When I shared with a dear friend how I had been criticized for being in denial for refusing to identify myself as an alcoholic, her response only solidified my personal beliefs at the time. She shared with me that she too felt a sense of repression after telling her sponsor she no longer felt the need to identify herself as an alcoholic; she was told if she did not identify as an alcoholic, she would not be able to remain sober and would die. This response brought me to tears for a couple reasons, 1) that someone would actually say that to another individual in recovery and 2) because I had questioned the validity of this idea and often asked—who am I to challenge the system?

It wasn’t until years later, through the works of Brené Brown, that I was able to identify that my self-proclamation of unworthiness was fueled by shame and fear of vulnerability. In one of her TED talks, she talks about the two shame driven narratives we tell ourselves, “never good enough” and “who do you think you are” (Brown, 2012). That is when my mindset and perspective shifted into asking myself—who am I not to challenge the system?

I’ll tell you why I am qualified to be writing this—Alcoholics Anonymous was never a part of my sobriety journey. I made it to five years [and counting] of continuous sobriety without ever stepping foot into a meeting. I cannot express to you enough how many times I’ve been told, heard, or witness one say to another “A.A. is the only way”. If you agree with that statement, that is okay, meetings and the twelve steps may be your path to recovery and maintained sobriety, but it is not the only way. There are multiple pathways to recovery and it is entirely up to the individual to decide what works for them and what doesn’t.

Now some may attempt to discredit me for never attending an A.A. meeting; however I am exposed to the culture of A.A. within the recovery community every day. I am able to look through a different lens and see the self-shaming and stigmatizing language being used towards ones’ self and others; offering an outside perspective in identifying this gap.

Reflecting on my journey, I am willing to admit that one could correlate some of the paths I took back to A.A. and the twelve steps, but my recovery was founded on different principles. When we choose to drink, knowing fully how the night is likely to end, we are choosing to give alcohol power and control over our lives. By admitting we are powerless over alcohol, we are still giving alcohol the authority to manage our lives and dictate what we can or cannot do, like a looming cloud that we cannot get out from under, telling our subconscious that we are weak. By making personal development the center of my recovery and taking back the power alcohol had over me and my life, I have been able to build a life separate from my substance use.

Here are a few examples of how I took a personal development approach to my recovery, some of which I still practice daily:

Practiced gratitude;
Worked with a mentor;
Invested in proper nutrition;
Worked to shift my mindset and perspective;
Set and worked to achieve goals for myself;
Reconnected in my faith and found healing and community;
Recognized and embraced a series of divine appointments that guided me along the way;
Read numerous self-help books, listened to podcasts and audibles just about everywhere I went.
Attend workshops and conferences—learning from some of the top keynote speakers in the industry;

Throughout my journey I have been able to work through the underlying cause of my drinking and find healing, acquire tools and resources to manage stress and adversity, and obtain a better outlook on life. I focused on areas of improvement and worked towards becoming the best version of myself I can be for not only myself, but those around me; ultimately increasing my overall quality of life.

It is important to note that an individual can have a mental and physical dependency on alcohol; however, I disagree that they are always cooccurring. It is possible for individuals, like my former self, to use alcohol as a coping mechanism for stress or an underlying trauma; which can lead into a physical dependency through prolonged use. If an individual does have both a mental and physical dependency on alcohol, they should seek assistance from a medical professional before attempting to take a personal development approach to recovery.

Filling the Gap

When many hear the term affirmations, they typically think of the statement ‘I am…’ followed by a personal belief about themselves, this personal belief can be either negative or positive. In the personal development industry, affirmations are commonly used in correlation with the law of attraction to manifest a belief into becoming a reality by tapping into your subconscious.

The problem with this concept is, if you repeatedly tell yourself something over and over again, your subconscious will end up actually believing it to be true, regardless if it is or not. This can be damaging to ones’ personal development growth as you trick your mind into believing something already happened and you do not have to put in the work or effort to create change. Hal Elrod, a highly respected author, mentor, and keynote speaker within the personal development industry speaks to this in “The Miracle Morning” book series. He provides a new perspective to creating affirmations to stimulate ones’ growth by not only identifying what you want as an outcome, but also what you are committed to doing to make it a reality and why.

But how does this apply when the affirmation of self is negative? The statements “I am an alcoholic”, “I am powerless over alcohol”, and “once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic”, regardless of its intended use of context, are negative self-affirmations. Through these negative affirmations, one will believe they are an alcoholic, that is all they will ever be and there is nothing they can do about it. This can be extremely damaging to ones’ identity, sense of self and their recovery; leaving no room for personal growth to become better and do better.

It is said that individuals who struggle with their identity of self will often turn to addiction, or multiple addictions, to compensate, and that in attempts to create a new identity, individuals will often look externally to help them define who they should be and what they should do; endangering their overall mental and physical health (P.h.D, 2014). The initial identity crisis an individual in recovery may have experienced that led to their substance use now has the potential to be further exacerbated by the self-limiting belief that they will never be able to become more than an alcoholic. This has the potential to lead to a never-ending cycle of AUD.

Conclusion

In the beginning I asked the question of “at what point does an individual in recovery no longer have to identify themselves as an alcoholic?”. If we were to answer this question from the perspective of Alcoholics Anonymous, we would say that once you are an alcoholic, you will always be an alcoholic. However, after further defining what an alcoholic is, we determined that an alcoholic is a person with an Alcohol Use Disorder, and if an individual abstained from alcohol use for over a year, they should be free from the stigmatizing label of being an alcoholic.

This stigma within nationwide recovery programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, promotes the formation of an identity around an individuals’ past substance use, that without affirming their addiction an individual will fail to find long-term recovery. Affirming oneself as an alcoholic and using statements such as, “I am an alcoholic”, “I am powerless over alcohol”, and “once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic” has damaging side effects to ones’ recovery. These statements work together to form self-limiting beliefs that they are an alcoholic, that’s all they’ll ever be, and there is nothing they can do about it; limiting their potential for growth.

Taking a personal development approach to achieve long-term recovery can improve an individuals’ overall quality of life by taking back their power and freeing themselves from the shame and stigma within not only our culture but the culture within nationwide recovery programs, such as A.A.