How to Become Your Best Self in Recovery
So, what exactly does it mean to become your best self in recovery?
The term recovery is defined as a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength; or the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost. While both definitions are true, in order to recover from our drinking, we have to build a life separate from our substance use. There is no going back or returning to who or where we were before alcohol.
Now, I understand that not everyone’s story is similar to my own; however, there typically tends to be an underlying trauma, stressor, or thought process that was the catalyst for developing a substance use disorder.
If we don’t identify and work through whatever that may be and just revert back to our previous state of mind, we will end up right back where we started. That is why we have to reinvent the wheel and grow beyond who we were to become who we were created to be.
How exactly do we do that? By making personal development the center of your recovery and having a sense of purpose.
This week we are focusing the conversation on the personal development side of things, so if you missed last night’s Coffee Talk Tuesday, you can continue reading and/or watch the reply and join the conversation here.
Personal Development
Personal development should be at the heart of everyone’s recovery journey; it allows for us to find healing and growth to become and do better not just for ourselves, but for those around us.
Throughout my journey, I have invested heavily in my own personal and professional development. I’ve taken training courses, attended workshops and conferences—learning from some of the top keynote speakers in the industry. I’ve gone to counseling and retreats, invested in proper nutrition, read numerous self-help books, listened to podcasts and audibles just about everywhere I went, and so much more.
I did all the things I needed to do to become a better version of myself, and in turn, increased my overall quality of life.
During my recovery coaching and peer support training, we talked about the four pillars of recovery—health, home, purpose, and community—and almost any area of personal development can fall under at least one of them. So let’s take a closer look at these individually.
Health—Your Physical & Emotional Well-Being
When it comes to your physical and emotional well-being, I cannot stress enough the importance of self-care. Self-care can be just about anything that serves you that will improve your overall physical and mental health.
You don’t have to walk or run a mile every day, while the fresh air does do our bodies some good, self-care can be something as simple as taking off your make-up and brushing your teeth at night. Drunk me never, and I mean NEVER, took her makeup off or brushed her teeth before passing out somewhere, and if she did, I don’t remember it so, did it really happen?
But in all honesty, my form of self-care early in my recovery was doing just that, developing a good skin-care routine and brushing my teeth before going to bed. Eventually, I worked my way up to getting out of the house and going for nature walks, and then later signing up for a gym membership. But it took time.
When it comes to personal growth and development we don’t have to take giant leaps and bounds, just one step at a time; and if you’re short like me, those steps are much smaller than everyone else's.
Home—Having a Safe & Stable Environment
Having a living environment that is supportive of your recovery is key to finding and sustaining long-term recovery.
Now I understand that this dimension can be a barrier for some, that you may not have a place to call home or in a toxic relationship that you are currently unable to get away from, and I can empathize with you wholeheartedly.
When I finally hit rock bottom in late 2015, I was in a very toxic relationship and had to move in with my grandparents. My freedom meant I wasn’t allowed to go back to the place I once called home, but the truth is, at the time, it was the best thing that could have happened for me and my recovery. I was able to work solely on myself to find healing, perspective, and growth in a supportive environment. It did take some time for me to earn back their trust, and rightfully so, but they still supported me every step of the way, and for that, I am forever grateful.
To make sure your home environment is supportive of your recovery, there are going to be some questions you are going to have to ask yourself.
Is there alcohol or illegal substances in the house?
Is my roommate, significant other, partner, or spouse supportive of my recovery?
Do I feel safe in this environment?
If not, then there are going to be some hard decisions you will have to make, but it’s only up to you to make those decisions and possibly under the guidance of a counselor or therapist.
Ask a close friend or relative to remove the alcohol from the house.
Learn to set healthy boundaries, and use communication tools to help your roommate, significant other, or spouse understand where you are at, and how they can be supportive of your recovery.
Accept and find a way to remove yourself from a toxic relationship.
If your foundation is unstable it will only make finding and maintaining your recovery that much harder, now I am not saying you can’t do it, because that is not my place, but I can say from experience that it will definitely come with its challenges.
Purpose—Giving Your Life Meaning
When it comes to recovery, having a sense of purpose is crucial.
If you’re anything like me, chances are at one point or another, you felt your life didn’t have meaning and that feeling probably did not help your drinking one bit.
I’ve battled with depression and anxiety for over fifteen years. I know what it’s like to feel completely hopeless and think that everyone would be better off without me.—that’s part of why I tried to drink myself into oblivion.
I’m not saying that you have to create this extravagant plan for your life, but you do need a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Whether it be to go to work or school, care for your family, or be of service to others. Whatever that may look like for you, find a reason to show up for your day.
The key here is balance, don’t keep yourself so busy that you do not leave any time for yourself. It is so easy for us to get caught up in the day-to-day bustle and usually the first thing we sacrifice trying to accomplish all the things, is our time for self-care.
We cannot care for others if our tank is empty; but more importantly, we won’t have the emotional or mental capacity to handle adversity if we are just going through the motions, and not growing to handle those triggering moments that cause us to want to revert back to our former selves.
Another piece to this is WHY do you want recovery?
For me, I wanted to take back the power I had given alcohol over my life and truly find healing from all the things I wasn’t dealing with. I started to focus on areas of improvement and worked towards becoming the best version of myself for not only me but for those around me.
Eventually, as I found more and more value in my story and the difference it could have on the recovery community, I knew that if I went back to the bottle, my future and the impact I could make would no longer be an option.
By creating a sense of purpose and meaning for my life, it was no longer a battle to get out of bed, nevertheless shower. Which ultimately increased my overall quality of life.
Community—Forming Meaningful Healthy Relationships
In early recovery, it is understandable for you to take the time you need to process your emotions and life adjustments, but don’t camp out there.
Find yourself a safe space where you can express yourself and your feelings without fear of being criticized or judged. Your safe space doesn’t have to be a physical location either, it can be a community or group of people who provide a supportive and respectful environment regardless of where you meet.
Early in my recovery, I joined a student life group on campus called CRU. This ended up being my safe space allowing me to reconnect in my faith, reflect on myself through God’s word, share my struggles and triumphs, and most of all it allowed me to form meaningful, healthy relationships that I could count on for support.
Finding and maintaining recovery is hard work, it takes a tremendous amount of strength, determination, and courage to get up every day and face your inner demons, but no one said you have to do it alone, the only person that did, was you.
Find your community, your safe space, and keep moving forward!
